Christian Marriage

Today's Reading

Read Ephesians 5:25-28: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

Then read Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Reflection

Lewis tackles marriage with the candor of a man who, at the time of writing these talks, was a lifelong bachelor — and who would later, in his fifties, experience one of the great love stories of the twentieth century with Joy Davidman. His perspective is both clear-eyed and unexpectedly wise.

The central point: "being in love" is a wonderful thing, but it was never meant to bear the weight of an entire relationship.

"Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life."

Modern culture worships romantic feeling. We speak of "falling in love" as though it were something that happens to us, like catching a cold — and of "falling out of love" as though it were an equally involuntary event that justifies any decision, including abandoning a marriage.

Lewis insists that this confuses the engine with the fuel. The initial feeling of being in love is the fuel that gets the engine started. But the engine — the deep, durable, willed love of marriage — is something quite different.

"Love as distinct from 'being in love' is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God."

Paul's command in Ephesians is striking: husbands are to love their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." This is sacrificial, covenant love — not a feeling that comes and goes but a commitment that gives itself away, even when it costs everything.

Genesis describes marriage as a "one flesh" union — a bond that creates something new, something that cannot be reduced to the feelings of two individuals.

Going Deeper

Lewis's distinction between romantic love and covenant love is one of the most countercultural ideas in Mere Christianity. It does not dismiss romance — Lewis valued it deeply — but it refuses to let romance be the foundation. Feelings are real but unreliable. Commitment is what carries a marriage through the seasons when feelings ebb.

Whether you are married or single, the principle applies broadly: the deepest loves in your life will be sustained not by feeling but by will, habit, and grace.