Day 8 of 10
Costly Obedience and the Way of the Cross
Every Christian is called to deny themselves — not just some
Scripture Readings
Today's Reading
Read Luke 9:23-25: "And he said to all, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?'"
Then read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10: Paul's plea for the removal of his "thorn in the flesh" and God's answer: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Reflection
This is the day when the plan becomes personal and painful — and when we must be most careful to avoid platitudes.
Jesus' call to deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow him is universal. He said it "to all" — not just to people with same-sex attraction, not just to single people, not just to those whose desires conflict with the biblical sexual ethic. Every Christian is called to die to self. The married heterosexual man who must deny his desire to look at other women, the single woman who longs for marriage and may never have it, the person with same-sex attraction who embraces a traditional sexual ethic — all are walking the same road of costly obedience, though the costs are different.
The danger of the traditional position is that it can sound as though the cost falls disproportionately on one group. And in many cases, it does. The straight Christian who holds a traditional ethic on homosexuality may never have to give up the possibility of marriage, romantic love, sexual intimacy, or family. The gay Christian who holds the same ethic may be giving up all of these — for life. This asymmetry must be named, not glossed over.
Vaughan Roberts, who has been open about his same-sex attraction while maintaining a commitment to celibacy, refuses self-pity: "I am same-sex attracted and I have been single my whole life. I am not the exception to the rule of human flourishing — I am evidence of another way to be fully alive in Christ." This is a remarkable claim, and it is credible only if the church actually provides the deep community, intimate friendship, and family belonging that celibate Christians need. If the church asks people to give up marriage and then offers them nothing but a seat in a pew and an invitation to potluck dinners, it has asked for sacrifice without providing sustenance.
Paul's experience with his thorn in the flesh — whatever it was — is essential here. He prayed three times for its removal. God said no. But God did not leave Paul empty-handed. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." This is not a tidy resolution. It is a mysterious promise that God's presence can sustain us even when our deepest longings go unfulfilled.
C.S. Lewis, who knew loneliness and late-in-life love and devastating loss, wrote honestly about the gap between desire and fulfillment: "The cross comes before the crown, and tomorrow is a Monday morning." The Christian life is not a life of easy triumph. It is a life of daily cross-bearing — and that cross is real, not metaphorical.
Going Deeper
If you hold a traditional sexual ethic, ask yourself honestly: what are you personally willing to sacrifice so that celibate Christians — gay or straight — can flourish in your community? Are you willing to open your home, share your family, restructure your small group, reconsider how your church talks about marriage and singleness? Costly obedience is demanded of everyone, not just those whose desires are visibly counter-cultural.
Key Quotes
“I am same-sex attracted and I have been single my whole life. I am not the exception to the rule of human flourishing — I am evidence of another way to be fully alive in Christ.”
“The cross comes before the crown, and tomorrow is a Monday morning. A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?”
Prayer Focus
Bring to God whatever it is you most wish he would take from you — the desire, the loss, the unfulfilled longing — and listen for his response: 'My grace is sufficient for you.'
Meditation
Paul asked three times for his thorn to be removed, and God said no. What longings in your life has God not removed — and what would it look like to find sufficiency in his grace rather than in the fulfillment of that desire?
Question for Discussion
Vaughan Roberts says his celibate singleness is not the exception to human flourishing but evidence of another way to be alive in Christ. What would the church need to change for celibate Christians — gay or straight — to actually experience community that makes this claim credible?